It’s been a while. I know. I’ve just not had much to say that needed the length of a blog post. Same shizz, different day, ya know? Honestly there have been weeks where I wake up and don’t know what day it is because every day is the same. Wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed.
I am meeting with a dietitian now. I’m going to be 100% honest and say I don’t like the plan she laid out for me but that’s because I’m still a bit resistant. 1500 calories a day just doesn’t feel like enough fuel that I need. I was real strict the first 2 weeks and was finding myself ravenous in the middle of the afternoon and would eat ANYTHING I could get my hands on, good or bad.
She also cut my carbs down to 3 servings per meal. A slice of bread is a serving. Half a bagel is a serving. Everything is a carb I swear. I realized that things I was eating were included in the carb category, making me over eat carbs when I thought I was doing good. My cholesterol is ok but my triglycerides (carbs) are horrid. They are better than they were in January but not where the doctors want.
So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching and trying to figure out what is going to work best for me. I finally, after years of hesitation, have been watching food and nutrition themed documentaries on Netflix, which has been my downfall. Forks Over Knives and Vegucated have been my first and already I feel like I’ve been sent into crisis mode.
Hold on. Back up. So after I met with the dietitian almost 4 weeks ago my entire life has been one ball of anxious over what I’m consuming. Adding numbers and thinking about carbs and calories and planning WAY ahead when it comes to food is not ideal for me. I hate math, I hate keeping a journal of my food, I just hate thinking about the ONE THING in life that truly make me happy with nothing wanted in return, eating. That joy and happiness, I feel, has been stolen from me and replaced with dread and anxiety and disappointment. Not good when your one big coping mechanism for all those feelings is the thing that is causing those feelings. What a shit-tastic cycle I’ve found myself in, no? Going to the grocery store was even WORSE than before. Finding something satisfying for lunch was almost impossible. I ended up eating the same thing for lunch for almost a week and a half. Was it tasty? Yes. But come on.
So anyway, here I sit at a cross roads in my life. Do I just keep on doing what I’m doing, maintain this weight and lifestyle and not get back to a “healthy” weight? Or do I forge ahead with lifestyle changes that I really don’t want to make in order to get healthy and loose weight and be “happy”? What does ANY of this mean?!
It’s been in the back of my mind for a while now that I’m a hypocrite. I love all animals and try to advocate for those that don’t have a voice. But how can I claim to be an animal lover and yet still consume meat? I cannot afford the fancy “grain fed, organic, humane” meats that are being sold, and as it turns out those labels mean very, VERY little. In the end you are still slaughtering an animal for your consumption. Our ancestors were mostly plant based eaters, filling in with meat when they could. But it’s a cultural thing.
Nothing gets my mouth watering more than a nice, juicy steak. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t starving right now and ready to take on any big steak eating challenge someone could put in front of me.
But the slaughterhouse practices and that animal only being bred, born and living for MY consumption just does NOT sit with my image of a true animal lover and advocate. I cannot reconcile the way I WANT to live with the way I AM living.
But there is more and more evidence out there showing a connection between all this consumption of animal products (meat, cheese, dairy, eggs, fish etc) and all sorts of bad juju health things. Cancer, high blood pressure, bad cholesterol. The list goes on and on. However, there are still societies where they still eat a mostly plant based diet and only have a tiny bit of meat. Their incidences of these things are MUCH lower than us meat eaters. There HAS to be something behind this science and these studies. It’s not just veg head mumbo jumbo. These are professional, well trained nutritional scientists, that were meat eaters themselves, coming up with these discoveries. Unbiased observations then data collection about what was going on in the world and the different eating styles.
All this research was happening in the 60’s. It’s old Sara don’t listen to it, I said to myself. Yes BUT as those mostly veggie eating societies have changed and grown and globalized meat has become more prominent in their diet. And guess what…
The incidences of cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol have gone up as well.
So yes something is going on there with meat consumption.
For years now I have been trying to cut down on my red meat consumption. More pork or chicken, less beef. Then I started to try to eat one or two days “meat free”. Most times they were unintentional to be honest but at the end of the day, when I’d think about it, I’d feel pretty good about my choices NOT to select something that had meant an animal lost their life for my benefit.
Yes I’ve slowly been working my way toward a vegetarian life style.
I’ve heard the jokes, I’ve spread the jokes. How do you know if a person is a veggie? Don’t worry they’ll tell you. And tell you again. And tell you one more time. Tree hugging hippies that don’t shave or wear deodorant blah blah blah. That sob at the thought of a chicken dying.
Ok… that’s me. Well not telling everyone (except for this post… oops). But tree hugging, don’t shave (the cats don’t care if my legs are hairy and I’m LAZY as f**k) and don’t wear deodorant (I’m skip a day. Do you know what is IN that stuff?!). That cry at the thought of an animal loosing it’s life for me?
So I’m going to transition my way into less meat in general (this will NOT be an overnight thing, this is the battle to end the war for my health) and more plant based foods. I will source my eggs from local sources where I can meet the chickens and see how they live. Not that I really EAT a lot of eggs right now but I see that in my future as a replacement protein source. I will source my cheese or dairy from the best sources I can, or drop them all together. You don’t even really need milk. Although my dietitian IS concerned about my calcium intake and wanted me to consume more in food, instead of taking a supplement. I meet with her tomorrow and we’ll talk about that.
Ok if you made it this far, thank you for reading.
If you’ve scrolled to the bottom for a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read): I’m going vegetarian.
God help us all.